Insert Clever Title Here
by Fadura Shy Uncara
Summary: (G1) It all begins with a nice day at the ark... Ch3 uploaded.
1. Default Chapter

_Whelp, we've seen them running around making pranks, being a nuisance, crying on everyone, falling in love, and basically being useless but such stories are always told from their point of view. Now, let us see these stereotypes through the cannon character's perspective._

Insert Smart Title Here  
By Fadura

The day had started off nice…

Until that ditzy idiot of a 'warrior' came along.

Prowl frowned looking down at the data pad and trying his best to ignore the shouting going on outside. Most of the words were incoherent, but he had heard enough. Briefly the door to his quarters opened and a breathy sing song, overly feminine voice floated through, making his wings twitched briefly.

"Jazz please! Don't you recognize me? I m your girlfriend! I love you!" The door shut, drowning out whatever else the lunatic of a transformer said. Prowl's frown deepened as he slowly turned around to face his friend, an expectant expression on his face and he crossed his arms.

"Girlfriend." It was more a demand than a question.

"I'll say it once and I'll say it again. Not a chance." Jazz huffed making sure the door was locked. "Frag, I don't even know her!"

A pause.

Then Prowl sighed, a long suffering sigh that he'd began to use more and more often now that the femme had come along, as if he didn't have enough to deal with already and now, this.

RubyFlight, she'd called herself so. A neutral who began off as a decepticon who every so often 'visited them', and when she did, everyone ran for cover, mostly to hide away from the love conquers all' speeches that she always made. She was crazy, an untalented fighter, claimed to be Optimus Prime's daughter and also insisted that she was a supposedly dead 'girlfriend' from Jazz's past, though whether or not the black and white Porsche actually knew her still remained a mystery.

She also claimed to be 'pregnant' with Thudercracker's child, which was frankly impossible since transformers did not reproduce the same way as humans did, but then again she also claimed she used to be human.

No wonder why the decepticons had left her out to die on the field, their mistake for taking her in like the nice little autobots they were and now they suffered for their mistakes… In the most humiliating ways many could possibly imagine since the aforementioned femme was not very bright either, as well as being extremely annoying.

Jazz listened against the door till he heard her weeping and sniffling fade with the distance. And when he was sure the mad femme was gone he let out a long, loud sigh of relief.

"This just isn't my day…" He muttered, slightly muffled as he pressed his palm against his face plate.

"Neither is it mine." Prowl concurred, and sighed again pressing his fingers against the front of his helmet.

Another pause, maybe a bit too long of a pause this time.

"Prowl…?"

Prowl frowned again and looked up, getting a vague sense of impending doom. "Yes?"

"… can I stay here for 'till she goes away…?"

"Me Slag, not like dumb femme bot, go away." Swoop looked up slightly from his data pad his optic flickering once in a blink. Slag obviously was a strange person to come to sort one's problems out, even less be a shoulder to cry on due to his exceedingly volatile temper, but then again RubyFlight wasn't the smartest of people round.

"He LOVES me, I KNOW it, he just (sniffle) needs time to think it out… yeah, then he'll ask me to marry him…" Slag rolled his optics heaven wards in irritation and promptly shoved the incredibly skinny blue and red femme away from him –she burst into a Niagara of tears at this- and looked at the spot where she'd cried on him in disgust, before turning on his heels and stomping away muttering under his breath about finding a cloth to wipe off the offending fluid.

Swoop blinked again then slowly turned around trying his best to quietly sneak away before RubyFlight noticed him. Unfortunately his attempts were in vain. Two slender hands had already wrapped themselves around his waist and was holding him and an unbreakable hug.

"Oh Swoop, what should I do, I m so confused… Jazz loves me right…?" Swoop's shoulders hunched and a flat look was now plastered across his face as he prepared himself for a long, long 'talk' –if that was what one called it when only one person spoke- about nothing but Jazz, and the self pitying femme herself and how her life is all miserable because she was carrying a decepticon's baby.

It might've actually been funny if it didn't happen every slagging single week.

"… I m sure he loves me..!" She rambled on as Swoop silently hoped that one of the other Dinobots would wonder by and get the partially organic sobbing red and blue car, with barely enough kibble to transform at all and seemed to be modeled after a human Barbie doll with huge chests and large amounts of optic fluids streaming down the side of her pink humanoid face, off of him.

Mirage tried to ignore the fact that there was music coming out of Prowl's room. Specifically he was trying to and not quite succeeding in ignoring the loud music coming from Prowl's room. Trying his best to keep his face neutral, Mirage clicked the buzzer and waited.

And waited…

He clicked the buzzer again.

…Of an angel, fly away from here… Were the lyrics that streamed out as the door opened revealing a very exasperated Prowl.

"YES, MIRAGE?" He asked, over the music, causing the spy to flinch slightly at the volume of his voice.

"Report." Mirage answered handing him the data pad wearing an odd expression on his face.

"OH, THANK YOU." Mirage winced again and quickly turned on his heels and strode down the hall… and froze just as he turned the corner.

"Me Swoop say, please help me…?" Swoop asked giving him a pleading look, but it wasn't that, that caught his attention. Two beautiful, green optics stared up at him and widened, quickly followed by a happy gasp and another stream of tears running down the sides of her face causing the Dinobot flier to cringe in disgust.

Mirage froze.

"Mirage!" Was the happy squeal, as RubyFlight let go of her captive and ran towards him. The look on the spy's face change from shock to 'deer in the headlights' in a time span of point three seconds and he did the only thing he could do.

"Primus above, help me!" He shimmered and vanished but the echoing sound of running metal feet could still be heard loud and clear, and RubyFlight was more than happy to follow him while Swoop watched her disappear around a corner with an expression that was caught between being extremely sick and someone just on the verge of bursting into a hysterical fit.


	2. RubyFlight VS Ratchet

_And now, the horrors of song fics. Most of the song fics I've read have songs that have nothing to do with the fic at all. I also noticed is that Mary-Sues cuss… a lot… Personally, I find nothing mature about cussing, it's what fourteen year old juvenile delinquents do whenever they want to which is almost every minute of the day..._

_Gender in this story means NO human body parts because that's just weird. I AM a believer that TFs are androgynous, but I m not wasting everybody's time by going there._

_Anyhow, a song fic with nothing to do with the story and also someone who should know better than to anger the resident Autobot medic._

Insert Smart Title Here  Ch2  
_By Fadura_

_How many times have you told me you love her  
As many times as I wanted to tell you the truth_

She was crying again.

Idly Ratchet wondered why the bumbling, overly curvy, bimbo had chosen to come to his med bay to cry her eyes out, and then decided he already had a big enough of a headache and let it, cursing under his breath at the annoying noise.

_How long have I stood here beside you  
I lived through you, you looked through me_

"He told me he loved me…" Ratchet's hand twitched slightly at this, but he continued ignoring her. "And why didn't Mirage help me… Oh, these males should treat femmes like me better… (Sniff)"

Ratchet quietly wondered why she would label them as 'males' being that transformers were technically genderless beings, they WERE giant robots after all… She must have spent WAY too much time with humans…

_Solitude  
Still with me is only you_

"The rest of them all just trying to get me into bed, but not Jazz, no, he's so handsome and amazing how can he possibly do such things to me?" RubyFlight sighed dreamily taking out the picture of her beloved and smiling down at it.

"I m right here you know." The autobot CMO snarled spitefully crushing the urge to turn around and shout for her to get the slag out of his med bay, instead he remained where he was organizing the medical equipment muttering to himself under his breath.

_Solitude_

_I can't stay away from you_

RubyFlight of course ignored him, he was not her beloved he deserved no attention. Instead the ex-human car just continued to sigh and stare at her picture of Jazz.

_How many times have I done this to myself  
How long will it take before I see  
When will this hole in my heart be mended  
Who now is left alone but me_

She sighed sadly knowing that the black and white Porsche did not love her anymore… Now though her true love is Mirage.

"But oh, Jazz, I still love so…"

_Solitude  
Forever me and forever you  
Solitude  
Only you, Only true_

"Don't you have something better to do?" Ratchet looked up from his work annoyed by her breathy delusional schizophrenic tendencies.

"Fk you!" RubyFlight suddenly screamed standing up off of the berth and storming over to the slightly startled medic and jabbing a finger in his chest. "I was talking about my one fking true love here and YOU are just fking standing around and organizing your sht pile equipments!"

_Everyone leaves me stranded  
Forgotten, abandoned left behind  
I can't stay here another night_

The look on Ratchet's face changed slowly from surprise to the dawning of absolute fury on his face. "What… Did you say…?"

"You fking heard me!"

Ratchet crossed arms and there was a slightly crackle in his voice that signaled the inevitable ranting he was just about to begin as he said. "For your slagging information, RubyFlight…" He spat her name as if it were the most deadliest of poisons.

"These sht pile of equipments, as you say, are USED FOR SAVING PEOPLE'S LIVES!" RubyFlight seemed to shrink down by a half a foot

_Your secret admirer, who could it be  
Can't you see all along it was me?  
How can you be so blind as to see right through me?_

"Get out of my med bay slagger before I make your next bloody check up a living slagging pit!" RubyFlight most certainly had shrunk, she seemed only half his size now, and when he was done shouting she seemed only a five feet tall.

_Solitude  
Still with me is only you  
Solitude  
I can't stay away from you_

"Yes… Okay… " She murmured meekly before 'quietly' stumbling out of the room bursting into a fresh round of tears and sobs.

_Solitude  
Forever me and forever you  
Solitude  
Only you, only true_

Ratchet stood for a moment longer in his place before an incredibly victorious smile curved itself onto his lips, and he turned back to his work humming happily all the way till the end of the day.


	3. Family Issues?

_Mary-Sues usually have a LOT of friends or sisters. There isn't much else to be said, no, they just pop out of nowhere and fall in love with a random unlucky guy. Now, the Decepticons suffer the horrible onslaught of such attacks._

_As much as I like the 'Cons, I was in a rather sadistic mood so…_

Insert Smart Title Here Ch3

By Fadura

Thundercracker stared up at the ceiling, bored out of his blue mind. He really didn't have anything better to do at the moment, other than wonder what Megatron was up to this time.

He'd been stuck inside the decepticon base for an entire week, alone with the rest of the 'cons and with nothing to do but stare up at the ceiling for hours at a time. Thundercracker continued being bored.

Skywarp was probably wandering the halls stricken by what humans call 'cabin fever' and Starscream was in his lab doing… whatever a resident Decepticon mad scientist would do. The blue seeker would probably regret wanting to know.

It was a nice day outside, all dreary and stormy as it always was around this time of the earthen year, in fact, any whether seemed nice today to go flying, but no… Megatron wouldn't let them, he had to be up to something… Thundercracker's musings were interrupted by the door to his room opening.

He blinked.

There was a very curvy silhouette standing in the entrance, with bright purple optics glowing where the head should be. Thundercracker blinked again and his bored expression quickly warped into horror.

"Thundercracker!" Was the happy sing-sing feminine voice. "My true love, I have returned!"

"Help me!" Thundercracker yelled and immediately stood up about to bolt when in a flash of brilliant light the femme warped appearing right in front of him.

"Awww, don't you miss me love?"

"I don't even know you!"

0 0 0

Bonecrusher blinked as Thrust ran by followed quickly by what looked like an overly curvy seeker jet.

Mixmaster beside him made a strange noise that sounded very close to a giggle.

Scrapper frowned as much as his optic visor would allow him to.

"Guess RubyFlight really wasn't kidding about her ten sisters…" He muttered, then went back to fixing the wall that Skywarp had warped into earlier when he was running away from another annoying and curvy blue femme who seemed to be able to phase through walls...

0 0 0

"Primus, they're popping up like rabbits!" Megatron idly wondered where Starscream had gotten the earthling proverb, but decided against asking, and busied himself with trying to get a beautiful white and pink colored femme off of him.

Which was a surprisingly hard task, considering the fact that the femme was nothing more than long legs with breasts and a pretty heart shaped face. If only he could reach his fusion cannon…

Starscream shrieked from nearby a sound that was muffled as he was pulled into a kiss by a well rounded black seeker femme who had a lot in common with the one that was currently clinging onto him like the world was about to end.

Megatron sighed exasperatedly, sneered and tried to wedge his knee between the femme and himself shouting "Decepticons, GET OUT OF THE BASE NOW!" through his communication link and with a kick managed to free himself from the pink and white femme and grab his fusion cannon.

"I demand that you call a reatreat or else…" He aimed the cannon at the black seeker femme that was currently making out with a very displeased Starscream whose null rays seemed to be jammed by abnormally large, sausage shaped, yellow colored earth fruit.

SilverStream gasped and pointed her gun at Megatron. "I will not let you harm my sisters, even though I love you!"

StarWind had been distracted by Megatron's fusion cannon pointing at her and Starscream was more than happy to take the momentary attention diversion to wriggle out of the femme's gasp.

For a moment everything seemed still. Then, without warning Megatron pointed his cannon to SilverStream, who'd obviously not expected her one true love to do such a horrible deed and blasted her.

Unfortunately, SilverStream's armor was fusion cannon resistant and all he managed was to stun her but that was enough.

"Retreat!" Starscream wasn't about to complain and quickly darted out of the room before StarWind could catch him once more, shrieking screechy curses under her name all the way until he was in the hallway.

Megatron was not far behind keeping his cannon pointed at the femmes until he'd backed out through the entrance of the meeting room. He quickly locked them inside the room then leaned on the wall letting out a sigh of relief.

Starscream was standing not too far away looking rather ill and partially traumatized.

They exchanged looks.

"… I do hope that door stays…" The Air commander said, one optic twitching slightly.

0 0 0

And at the end of the day, most of the Decepticons had made it safely out of base.

Most.

Three were still missing, Blitzwing, Swindle, and Scavenger. May Primus have mercy on whatever fate is to come upon them.


End file.
